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THE MADNESS OF MODERN FAMILIES: SCHOOL

In a kind of spin on the Grumpy Old Men theme the Madness of Modern Families is a new series looking at the way parents parents seem to be turning into panic-stricken and obsessive perfectionists. The Madness of Modern Families (episode 2 School airs on the ABC Network on Tuesday 18 December 2007 @ 8..0pm) focuses on the absurd social pressures parents find themselves facing and caving in to in an ever-increasingly competitive world.

From the day after you've given birth, the social pressure begins: if you don't get your child into the right nursery school, the right primary, the right secondary, the right sixth-form college and university, then you - personally - have damned your child to be a moron addicted to crack.

It's a race. And this stomach-knotting responsibility is yours - all yours. Every panicky round must be won.

Camping out overnight in the playground to be first to sign on for next term’s nursery classes - fact, not fiction. Checking the boundaries of the catchment area with a tape measure - people really do it. So what if the French tutor lives in Normandy? And if you've spread lies that St Crispin's needs conversational Latin to get in? And if the local league-table leader is that devout Catholic school, then go to church and start knitting. You must be noticed by the priest!

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